Fic: [SGA] Unexpected Direction (PG)

[skinscript]

Title: An Unexpected Direction
Author: skinscript
Rating: G
Spoilers: 5.11 The Lost Tribe
Wordcount: 400-ish
Posted to: sga_episodefic, mckay_sheppard
Genre: Humour, Friendship
Summary: John tries to brag about Larrin. Rodney takes the conversation in an entirely unexpected direction.

---

"So. Apparently, Larrin talks about me." John felt justifiably smug.

"Huh." McKay seemed unimpressed. John decided it was because he wasn't paying attention. Ronon grunted and took a long drink of his juice.

"I said, Larrin talks about me. To the other Travellers." John prodded. "All the time."

This time Rodney looked up. "Ok," he said, waving a hand dissmissively. "Isn't that wonderful, yadda yadda. Congratulations on reaching the virtual age of twelve." He took a swig of his coffee. "Anyway. I don't like her." He returned to poking at his laptop.

"You don't..." John choked on his bite of bagel, fought it back down to where it was supposed to go. "You don't like her? Why not?"

Rodney growled with irritation and slammed the laptop lid closed. "Why not? How about that she's kidnapped you... twice! And both times has tied you up and had you beaten! Now, unless you like that sort of thing..." His eyes widened comically and practically bugged out of his head in horrified fascination. "Oh. My. GOD! You DO, don't you? You LIKE it!"

John frowned, wondering how he'd lost control of the conversation so thoroughly so quickly. "Rodney, I..."

But McKay was on a roll. "I knew it! I mean, I knew you had some kinky traits, but honestly, I was thinking more like toys or maybe blindfolding, possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK, but tied up and punched around..."

As his voice rose, others in the cafeteria started to notice. Heads turned, eyebrows raised. John tried to sink lower in his chair. Rodney steamrollered on.

"Or, ooh! I know! I could see you being into knifeplay or gunplay, with the whole soldier thing..."

John felt his face burning. "Rodney!"

"Or maybe tattoos, or, or... oh! I know! Furries!"

"WHAT?"

"You know, furries! That's where people dress up in full-body costumes and then..."

"Yes, I know furries!"

"I had a feeling you did." McKay waggled his eyebrows.

"That's not what I ... Look. Shut up."

"Ha! No problem." Rodney guzzled the last of his coffee and tucked his laptop under his arm. "Hey. Let me know if you need any help finding .. uh." He gestured vaguely. "Material. It's amazing what people upload to the server. I could help you out." He strode out.

Was Rodney seriously offering to find him porn???

John rubbed his forehead and wished fervently for an aspirin. Or, possibly, a handful.

Ronon finished his bagel and leaned toward John. "So," he said confidentially, "Being tied up and hit. You like that, huh?"

-30-

---

Comments

[bluejello.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!! I don't think aspirin will be helping John now...He just entered narcland with Ronon's interest peaked!

Thanks sooo much! You totally made my crappy day shine!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can see it only getting worse. Cause of course, Ronon would also want to know what furries are. And an ever-helpful Zelenka would go into excruciating detail. Poor John!

love it!

[alphapack.livejournal.com]

I love this!

Thank you for writing this.

Re: love it!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!

[crownglass39.livejournal.com]

Too funny! I can totally see this happening too!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

And it would just go on and on, and John would become more and more embarrassed... I like to think of that happening after Lost Tribe cause I was so sick of hearing him go ON about Larrin!

I hope they don't plan to have him run away with her or something.

[merrymeerkat.livejournal.com]

LMAO, oh God, poor John. Sequel??? :D Pretty please?

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Ha! He deserved it. :)

Sequel = unlikely this time, I'm afraid. But stay tuned - I've been wrong before!

Thanks

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Hah! I was just telling my flist that that John's continually asking if Larrin talked about him proved that he was into D/s as the sub! Fannish hivemind FTW!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

\o/

He SO is. The vibe is totally there!

Thanks

[rogerpittman.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if the Ancient database had its own version of porn. You just know the hologram room had other uses...

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

I'll bet there is fanfic out there about it already, too. Might make a good search at SGA Genre Finders. :)

[outsideth3box.livejournal.com]

*is ded from hilarious*

*luffs Rodney to bits and pieces*

Poor in-denial bottom!John.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

I love Rodney and his complete lack of internal censor SO MUCH!

I'm glad you liked it!

[sulien77.livejournal.com]

*still laughing my ass off* Oh, ow...my side hurts! This so should have been the canon ending! Thank you, I needed that laugh. *wipes tears from eyes, still chuckling*

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

It would be awesome if the writers decided to do something like this!

Glad you liked it, and glad I could give you a laugh!

[rellan.livejournal.com]

Furries?! OMG!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Go Rodney.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

They came to mind randomly... have you ever seen the youtube video of Chris Judge learning about Furries? It's SO funny.

:)

[rellan.livejournal.com]

I learned about furries from one of the CSI shows. I believe my response to it was...'uh huh'. But now I have an image in my head of John furtively sneaking around in a chipmunk costume with big handcuffs around his paws. OH NOES! :D

[ladyoflisquill.livejournal.com]

OMG! Hilarious. SO many lines in this almost made me laugh out loud (dangerous thing to do in work) but this one is my favourite; "possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK"

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I was going to make a comment about his hair, but that would have been too easy. On the other hand, the guy is a closet interior decorator, I'm sure of it. :)

[noracharles]

Hahaha, great ^_^
Rodney really is a very accepting and considerate friend, isn't he?

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

I have the feeling he is, yep. :D

Now we just need to have John walk in on Rodney in his plushie suit...

[trystings.livejournal.com]

Bhahahahaha, only Rodney can take 'Larrin talks about me' to Furrysubporn in three seconds.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

I know! He is totally my hero. And, to a certain extent, my internal monologue, too... *laughing*

[debris_k.livejournal.com]

LMAO! And I haven't even seen the ep yet, but I always take a chance on your fics (just saw 'First Contact' yesterday - Caldwell crawling through duct vents makes *much* more sense now - great story that one as well) and I'm just blown away by the utter humorous Rodneyness of this piece! Only *Rodney* could take John's gloating and turn in upside down into a kink discussion and the porn trade. *huge thumbs up*

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I hope you still like it after seeing the epiosde, too. :) The Caldwell one will make more sense again after you see Lost Tribe.

I love how Rodney can take the most innocuous topic and rip it to pieces and turn it into something new in no time flat. *hugs McKay tight*

Thanks!

[libra-traveller.livejournal.com]

Way funny. Loved that other people were noticing the conversation.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Heh. You have to figure THAT topic would make people turn their heads and look... :)

[accidentalfan.livejournal.com]

OMG poor John! Now all of Atlantis knows how much of a bottom he is! :)

But seriously, I totally agree with Rodney's objections to John's (oh-so-middle-school) thing for Larrin.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

The part of me that believes in McShep believes that John goes on about it so much as a cover. A very, very, annoying cover. Why are the romances on this show so *forced*?

Thanks! I think all of Atlantis knew it all along...

[goblie.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Another surprise! :)

Hahaaaaahahaha. :) This is hilarious!

I just *love* Rodney when he gets an idea into his head and just.. totally runs away with it. There is just.. no way to stop him without adding fuel to his ideas (as evidenced above!), it's *wonderful*. *Hugs for Rodney* And he's just trying to be a good, accepting friend! Go Rodney and his porn finding skillz *Laughs*

Poor John. Well, only a little. It is way amusing that his Larrin boasts backfired, but he really should know better *Laughs*

Love the last line with Ronon. I can just SEE how the next conversation will go. I'd... prefer it if you wrote it to show me though. ;)

Thanks Skin! Needed a laugh today. :) *Hugs*

[goblie.livejournal.com]

P.S. Oh yeah - also loving how much *sense* Rodney makes it all make. Of course I get where John is coming from, but you can't argue with Rodney's sort of logic. I mean, really... so many reasons for sane!Rodney not to like her. Larrin? *thwaps her* ANNOYING.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Larrin IS annoying. John is more annoying for not noticing. Still... He deserved it. :)

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Remind you of anyone?

And yes! He should have known better!

Hee... Ronon would be SO intrigued. I can totally see him offering to help John out with the problem.

[lazy-8s.livejournal.com]

Note to John: Don't brag to Rodney, he's the king of all braggarts. He will only embarass the hell out of you by informing the mess hall that you enjoy sex while wearing a fur suit. And, Ronon's line was priceless. Hilarious littel fic!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yes! He will! And he'll make it look effortless and accidental, too. :D

[kateri-e.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO
Oh my! That was fantastic! See? Lots of exclamation points even!
I can see lots of advil in Sheppards future, along with lots of really disturbing spam in his inbox

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

\o/ Exclamation points rock! Lots of Advil, lots of aspirin... heck, John could end up a morphine addict with the fallout of this conversation...

[space1traveler.livejournal.com]

See, John brought this on himself. If he had just admitted the very first time that Larrin was hot and he liked her, but didn't like what had happened between them he would be okay now. But nooooooooooo...

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Hahahhaha

That would be wrong. And unmanly. And not macho. And embarrassing.

And, I think... a lie, too. :)

[alia-eternal.livejournal.com]

You are my absolute Hero!! I loved that, have to put it in my memories right away. you rock!

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

\o/

Thanks!

[romyra]

Rodney's whirlwind thoughts strike again...lol. Poor John and now that he's peaked Ronon's interest their next sparring session would be an interesting thing to read.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

LOL!

Oh, can't you just see it?

*THWACK*

"Ow!"

"Ha! Quit pretending. Everyone knows how you like that." *thud thud thud* *SMACK*

"Ronon! Fuck!"

"Nah. I don't do men. Stop coming on to me and focus."

"...!"

[ladyyueh.livejournal.com]

OMG!

*dies of laughter*

The onomatopoeia kills me!

And Ronon voice is spot on.

And I can just picture John's 'WTF!' face.

You win.