Fic: [SGA] A Transient Memory (PG)

[skinscript]

Title: A Transient Memory
Author: skinscript
Rating: G
Genre: General
Spoilers: Broken Ties (5.03)
Warnings: I think I swore in here somewhere.
Wordcount: ~950
Disclaimer: Seriously?
Posted at: sga_episodefic

Summary: Broken Ties episode tag. Lorne is the only one left who knows, and Rodney would just as soon keep it that way.

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Tyre stank.

Lorne wrinkled his nose as he helped Rampersad prepare the unconscious bastard for transport back to Atlantis. Sheppard and McKay had retreated to give them room. McKay had his hand over his mouth as he glared down at Tyre, and Lorne had to admit he wouldn't want to be in Tyre's shoes when he woke up. McKay could be *scary*.

They rolled Tyre onto his side to fit the stretcher under his back, sending up another invisible cloud of odour. Rampersad choked a little, and Lorne felt his whole face twist as the smell penetrated to his tongue this time. Stale, rancid sweat, old vomit, wet not-wool and urine, all laced through with this bitter sickly taint that was hauntingly familiar and absolutely fucking disgusting. He pushed Tyre onto the stretcher and leaned away, coughing until his throat burned with trying to get that damned stench out of his mouth.

"Here." Something clanked against his tac vest, and he took the offered canteen gratefully without even looking up. A long swallow, swish, and spit later he tilted his head back, holding the canteen up.

"Thanks," he managed to force out, turning to face his benefactor. "God, what is that smell?" His eyes lifted to McKay's face as he rapidly twisted the cap back onto his canteen, and suddenly remembered where he'd smelled it before. Oh. OH.

McKay was looking away, his face tight with things Lorne couldn't name. "Time to head out, Major," he said to the wall. "Let's get home."

---

Lorne shuffled his feet and lifted a hand to the door, then cursed under his breath and shoved it back in his pockets. What the hell was he doing here? Sure, McKay was tolerable enough, and yeah he'd come a long way in the last three years, but seriously, what was he thinking.

Well, actually, he knew the answer to that one. He was thinking about McKay. About the tight, closed expression on the Doc's face as they shifted Tyre, as they bitched about the smell. The smell that McKay knew all too goddamned well, and that was probably still haunting his dreams. Especially after having watched Tyre and then Ronon go through a familiar hell the last few days.

He couldn't get it out of his head.

Lorne gritted his teeth, and rang the chime.

Silence.

A quick push with closed eyes and Atlantis confirmed that McKay was inside. He bit his lip, undecided, then rang again. Nothing.

Ok. One more time, and he'd give it up.

He'd just turned on his heel to walk away when the door swished open behind him.

"I am not sharing my bath with...." McKay broke off midrant, eyes widening in surprise at seeing Lorne. "Uh. Well. Actually. Not with you either." He lifted his chin and tried to look dignified, but mostly just succeeded at looking wet. And bubbly. McKay yanked his blue bathrobe tighter around his waist and crossed his arms. A small white blob of bubbles teetered unsteadily on the top of his head, another stuck haphazardly to the side of his neck, half-obscuring his ear.

Lorne smiled involuntarily, scratched his head to cover his amusement. "Uh, hey Doc. Sorry to interrupt your bath."

"You interrupted some very important work, actually." McKay actually let go of his bathrobe to gesture vigorously, barely grabbing the loose edge before it revealed more than the good doctor likely had in mind. "The bath helps me ... helps me focus." Some expression flickered across his face too fast for Lorne to catch.

"Yeah. About that." He hesitated, then decided to go for broke and shouldered his way gently into McKay's room. "I was, uh." The Doc's eyes were going wider and wider, on the verge of panicking, and Lorne finished kind of desperately, "I was wondering if you were ok."

McKay frowned. "What?"

"Look, Doc. I know this thing with Ronon... I just wanted to check and make sure you're all right." Lorne shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "So... you ok?"

"What? Me?" McKay blinked at him rapidly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Lorne felt his mouth twist a little, heard himself go for sarcasm, barely managed to gentle it at the last second. "Cause enzyme withdrawal almost killed you?" Damn, McKay was exasperating sometimes.

"Oh," McKay said in a small voice. "With Elizabeth and Carson gone... no one said ... I guess I thought everyone who still remembered that was already gone."

And then, he'd say something like *that* and all the irritation would drain away. "Yeah." He really didn't know what else to say.

"I kind of ... well. Liked it that way, actually." He attempted a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. "With no one knowing."

Lorne nodded. "Ok. Ok, well, I can have a very selective memory. If you ever needed me to remember, I could probably make the effort." He reached out and caught the little pile of bubbles on McKay's shoulder right before they slid off. The bubbles felt cool and light in his hand. He wiped them off against his hip and turned to leave.

"Major." McKay stopped him before he could reach the door. "Um. Thank you. For asking." He huffed a little self-deprecating laugh. "I'm ok." He considered an instant, then amended grudgingly, "mostly."

Lorne grinned at him, taking in the soaking wet bathrobe and cheerful bubbles hanging on here and there. "Yeah, Doc, you are."

The door opened behind him and he stepped through with a jaunty salute, bubbles still clinging to his fingers, evaporating like memories.

-30-

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Comments

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

It was an after-episode situation, so it never got posted publicly. I'm always up for having the discussion again, though! :D

[spike21.livejournal.com]

Ahhh. I'd be up for it. It's pretty striking -- especially if you're a Rodney-lover. DH just mentioned recently in answer to a question at Shoreleave (Ithink) that he had to really push not to have to play Rodney's withdrawal entirely for comedy, which is what tptb intended. He said he felt that the loss of control would have been Rodney's worst nightmare, as it obviously was for Ronon. It's a very wierd double standard. Anyway, if skinscript would rather, we can always move the discussion to your lj or mine.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Feel free. I'm interested too.

It is typical of TPTB that they would want to play McKay torture for comedy. That tendency is my least favourite part of the show. *laughs*

[spike21.livejournal.com]

thank you!

It's something about their idea about the characters as symbols, I think. (and I know I shouldn't generalize a "they", because there are some better (Gero), some worse (Cooper) about this). (The Hive was written by Carl Binder who isn't generally one to diminish McKay.)

Still, it's a general aspect of the show that Rodney's pain is seen as exaggerated, unimportant, self-serving, even when it's obviously real. I don't mind them poking general fun -- I mean there *is* something intrinsically funny about being shot in the ass with an arrow and then getting stoned on morphine and that *was* an appropriate time to play for laughs. But the withdrawal was clearly awful and I'm glad DH played it mostly straight. (I'm still sort of pissed with Elizabeth for being pissed with him for not mentioning Ford, Sheppard and the others as, had she been listening, she would have heard that he clearly said "Ford's planet"... but I TOTALLY digress. *g* Anyway I'm not sure what it is that makes it necessary to frame Rodney's pain as ridiculous and Ronon's pain as meaningful, but it's the same thing that allows them to categorize Rodney as unnatractive -- that is, whether the actor is pretty is immaterial, the character he's playing is meant to be plain.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Still, it's a general aspect of the show that Rodney's pain is seen as exaggerated, unimportant, self-serving, even when it's obviously real.
The episodes where this *doesn't* happen, where McKay is just allowed to be great are such a breath of fresh air. Or where it is *intelligently* played for comedy, like Siege I when Grodin turns on the gravity early, or even Grace Under Pressure where he gets it himself - they are so much better than the ones where it's inappropriately done, like Phantoms.

But hey - that's why characters have US, right? To correct all the wrongs done to them by their originators. (And, considering the plethora of whump out there, to beat the hell out of them ourselves).

I really do wish the writers showed a bit more ... awareness though. It makes me sad to realise I care more about their creations than they do.

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

DH just mentioned recently in answer to a question at Shoreleave (Ithink) that he had to really push not to have to play Rodney's withdrawal entirely for comedy

Yep, that's what actually kicked off the discussion. Being high on morphine, McKay can play it funny. Being addicted to the Wraith enzyme, not funny...sooo not funny.

The winner of the McKay / ADB vid contest actually had a discussion with David about how he prepared for the episode (the videos are on YouTube) and he was playing it on that edge of insanity that existed in the drug culture of the 60s where you feel as if the drug is expanding your mind and allowing a higher level of creativity, which causes the cycle of wanting more and needing it to maintain the current level of mental awareness. Rodney had the benefit of coming down from his addiction surrounded by people he thought (he knew) he could trust. Carson was a continued presence who, even though Rodney had paranoia and kept saying Carson was making him suffer on purpose, Rodney self-corrected it everytime and admitted he didn't know what he was saying and was talking off his head.

Jason was playing it more manic, which makes sense based on the level of addiction he was at and the brainwashing that Ronon had already endured to that point. He's been addicted before, so he's been through a lesser withdrawal before. This was in a totally other sphere. He was going cold turkey, just like Rodney, but he's going through it in the midst of all these people who he's been convinced he can't trust. It's a definite mindwarp.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

The fact that the experiences that McKay, Ronon (time 1 vs time 2), Teyla, Ford, and Tyre each had with coming off the enzyme are different just makes sense. They're different people with fundamentally different approaches and internal mechanisms, so I personally had no issues with that. I did think it strange that Keller says several times that they have no idea how long it will take, despite the events of Lost Boys/The Hive. You'd think that Teyla or John might remember how long it took for Ronon to come through the first time, or how long it was before Ford's soldier died. Even if Keller never read the medical reports, you'd *think* they'd have a concept, especially since Tyre had *just* gone through the process.

But! Best not to pay too much attention to the man behind the curtain.

I hadn't considered that Ronon was within a group of people he felt were now on the other side. Interesting.

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Sorry to butt in to the discussion, but you mentioned them having no concept of how long it would take for the enzyme to wear off. Ford's gang had refined enzyme in metered doses. Tyre had been on the run for awhile and was obviously already in withdrawal when he captured Ronon. I think they had no idea how long Ronon's detox would take based on the simple fact that he had just been pumped full of the stuff and brainwashed.

Does that make any sense at all?

And yeah, I wish they would have brought up McKay's withdrawal as well. I'm glad this story addressed that. :)

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

All my conversations are open to anyone,so no apolgies required!

Hmmmm - I see your point. On the other hand, McKay went through withdrawal based (mostly) on a massive single dose, admittedly without brainwashing. Ford's first experience was also based on a single massive dose.

I think my complaint is that they *have* data points... they have *some* idea (or they should) and it seems a bit... lazy? that they keep saying otherwise.

So - it makes sense, but I'm not letting the writers off the hook cause I am just stubborn that way. *laughs*.

Thanks!

[spike21.livejournal.com]

That makes some sense. And I don't want to diminish Ronon's pain or Jason's performance, because I can totally buy that it was exactly that horrible. I just hate the idea that Rodney's pain is somehow insignificant to the creators. That that is representative -- that it's possible to consider some people as being somehow less significant than others, their suffering less worthy of compassion.