Fic: (BSG) Prisoners to the Dark

[skinscript]

Title: Prisoners to the Dark
Author: infiticus
Word Count: 3200
Status: Complete
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: PG
Characters: Gaius Baltar, Karl (Helo) Agathon, Sharon Valerii, Admiral Adama

Summary: They are all mired in the darkness of memory and loss. Baltar faces the Admiral on the subject of Sharon's imprisonment.


Prisoners to the Dark

---

Six weeks since he had taken the Presidential Oath. Utter drivel, of course. Nothing to it, really. Sure... it was a stirring set of words, but really... what did it all *mean*? Especially now. Especially since he no longer saw... whatever she was. Since Gina.

Who was he trying to fool? Nothing mattered, since Gina. The motions were all that kept him going. The drugs the only thing that kept him sane. The girls the only thing that kept him... feeling anything at all.

Gaius thrust away the unwelcome thoughts, striding through Galactica's corridor after his latest meeting with Admiral Adama. The personnel outflow to New Caprica had already begun. And now, it was time for him to catch a Raptor home.

Home. He considered the word briefly before discarding it. To the surface, then. He entered the hanger deck, his Marine escort trailing faithfully behind. When he reached the Raptor, he was vaguely irritated to find his pilot already at the controls, the ECO already in his seat. Shouldn't they be at the door, eager to greet their President? He considered demanding the respect that was his due, but the irritation sank into the numbness and disappeared, just as everything else did. Instead, he simply entered the ship and took his seat, staring blankly at the sea of lights at the ECO station.

Gods... GOD, she'd been beautiful. So determined. So brilliant.

So damaged.

"Raptor Four, requesting launch clearance."

Gaius blinked, the light baritone breaking into his thoughts. "Pardon me?"

"Just requesting clearance to leave, sir."

"Lieutenant Agathon?" It was the man's voice, he was sure of it. But it just didn't sound... right.

"Yes, sir." The voice was expressionless, devoid of any of the vitality that had seemed so much a part of big lieutenant, even back at the beginning when he had chosen to stay behind. No. When he had chosen to *die* so that 'Doctor Baltar' could live. But that hadn't quite worked out for him, had it? Oh, yes, he understood exactly what was wrong with that voice now. The Gods certainly had a way of making even the best results a bitch to live with.

There was a flash of pain as he remembered the baby... the child of destiny so cruelly taken from him. And, of course, from Agathon. He had a moment to be glad that Agathon hadn't had to learn of the 'airlock' conversation with Roslin. A quick burn of rage flitted through his chest as he thought of it. He shifted slightly so that he could see the side of Agathon's face.

"Lieutenant Agathon," he coughed, struggled briefly with the words. "You have my deepest sympathies... on your daughter." He swallowed hard. "My deepest condolences."

"Yes, sir." Agathon's voice didn't change, his face did not so much as twitch a reaction. He might have been replying to a statement of the price of algae on New Caprica, for all the emotion there. There was the faintest thread of surprise, though. It was the same surprise Gaius saw in the eyes of the ECO, who noticed his frown and hurriedly turned back to his station. Gaius returned his attention to Agathon's face, studying him closely.

Oh, yes. This... *this* was something he recognized, these days.

That poor child.

Gaius closed his eyes, seeking the soothing balm of darkness as the Raptor lifted from the deck, headed for space. Immediately Gina appeared behind his lids, huddled in the corner of her cage on Pegasus, staring at him with tearstained cheeks. Gaius jerked, eyes opening wide in an effort to clear the vision from his mind.

"How... How is Sharon?" He ventured.

Now *that* got a reaction.

Agathon snapped around in his pilot's seat, eyes hot, lips tight. "You don't..." The words died on his lips as he looked fully into Gaius' face. The Marine guard tensed, ready to intervene, but whatever Agathon read in him had him calming. His eyes narrowed on Gaius's face, his own features softening with... was that compassion?

"She's as well as can be expected, sir." Agathon took a deep breath, the brief flash of emotion fading back into expressionlessness.

"Helo. Traffic on our one." The ECO interjected.

Agathon turned back to his view screen. "Yeah. Got it."

Gaius' attention was still locked on the lieutenant's profile, or at least what he could see of it. In an instant it transformed into that of Lieutenant Valerii, face streaked with tears as she left Agathon to his death on Caprica. To the curve of Gina's cheek as she turned her back on him to walk to the bedchamber, scars shining wetly in the light. He blinked hard, shaking it loose again.

"Lieutenant Agathon. I'm terribly sorry about this, but I believe I have business I quite forgot to complete on Galactica. I need to return." His voice was stronger than it had been in days. Agathon glanced over his shoulder, then gave a minute shrug.

"Yes, sir."

****

"You can't be serious." Adama stared at him with irritation and barely concealed contempt from the depths of his chair. Gaius smiled at him brightly, refusing to give in to the subtle showmanship and keeping his position standing near the hatch.

"I assure you I am, Admiral. I wish to see Sharon Valerii. To speak to her." He paused, hardening his voice, making it a command. "Immediately."

Adama glared. Gaius could practically hear the man's teeth creaking; his jaw was locked so tightly. He stood, the deliberation in his movements speaking volumes about his distaste for dealing with his President, but he opened the hatch. The Marines stiffened to attention, as did Agathon. Adama lifted his eyebrows.

"Thank you for waiting, Lieutenant," Gaius said, forestalling Adama's question. "I'd like you to accompany me to Sharon's cell, please. I don't know how long this will take, and I will want to leave immediately upon finishing my discussion."

Agathon frowned, looking at the Admiral for confirmation. Adama hesitated, then gave a minute nod. Agathon spun on his heel to lead.

"This way, sir."

****

Gaius hadn't been in this cell since before Cain's death. He'd forgotten how stark and bleak it was, though compared to the terrifying brightness and stench of the Pegasus'... He brought himself back to the present with an effort. *This* cell was barren except for the simple cot and the woman on it. She lay flat on her back, hands crossed on her stomach, staring at the ceiling. Even with her presence, the cell had that same sense of emptiness as Gina's had. As if the body remained but the person had left.

Gina had fled.

Gaius would bet his last cubit that Sharon hadn't. No. Sharon had simply... withdrawn.

Agathon went for the phone, lifting the receiver to his ear while knocking on the glass. The movements were automatic, clearly speaking of weeks of repetition. Sharon didn't move, refusing to acknowledge their presence by so much as a flicker. Agathon rapped again more loudly.

Gaius pursed his lips. "That won't be necessary, Lieutenant. I intend to speak with her directly." Agathon stepped back to let Gaius pass, shooting another uncertain glance at Adama. Adama simply watched impassively, likely hoping that Sharon would become violent and rid him of Baltar for good. Gaius laughed silently to himself. The prospect was actually somewhat attractive, come to think of it. "I'll speak to her alone, gentlemen." It was clearly a dismissal.

The Marine checked for confirmation from Adama, then shrugged and followed his commander out. Agathon retreated to the hatch but remained stubbornly just inside, his whole demeanour definitively stating his intention to stay. Gaius smiled faintly. Adama and the Marines were of course in the observation area. The privacy they had been afforded was only an illusion. If she... or *he*... were to try anything, they could be back inside in moments. Still, Agathon's protectiveness was charming. He had a sudden image of the man standing between a squad of heavily armed Marines and sickbay, armed with nothing but courage, a holstered pistol and his determination, and the smile fled.

Perhaps 'charming' was the wrong word.

He entered the cell, walked slowly the length of the mesh-sheathed glass wall, wondering how to begin. What could this woman give him? Could she help it make sense? He stared at the glass, seeing Gina's broken body reflected there. He closed his eyes, turned away from the memory.

"Lieutenant Valerii..." His voice rasped uncomfortably, and he cleared his throat. "Sharon."

She didn't respond, as gone from him as Gina had been.

"I wanted to tell you... I wanted you to know..." Perhaps she could hear him, where ever she was. Perhaps he could reach her. He needed her to hear him. "How very sorry I am." He took a deep breath, refocused on the woman in front of him. "How very sorry I am about the loss of your daughter." He looked away, missing Sharon's eyes snapping to his face, but heard Agathon reacting to the sudden menace, heard his hurried steps to the open door, heard the low voice, soothing, saying her name. He set those things aside, continued as if nothing had changed. "I believe Hera was the start of a new age. That she was a symbol of our future. The first of the children of the Gods." It had been his job to protect her, to keep her safe. Would God forgive his failures?

Sharon's eyes had narrowed, her face still and dangerous, but she was listening. At the door to the cell, Agathon eased into the room but didn't interfere. His face was pale, and Gaius wondered idly just what he was thinking. Probably that it wasn't Sharon he would need to be protecting, if Gaius kept talking. At the hatch, one of the Marines had his assault rifle at the ready, finger on the trigger of the explosive round that would blow right through the glass.

"She was beautiful." Gaius met Sharon's eyes squarely, his tears entirely real and threatening to blur his vision. "When she died, a light went out in the universe. I wish..." He swallowed hard. "I wish it had been different."

Sharon slowly sat up and turned to face him cross-legged on her cot. She looked haggard, her usually lovely hair lank around her face. When she spoke, her voice was rusty with disuse.

"President Baltar." She coughed a little, licked dry lips. A quick glance around showed a previously hidden small table on the far side of the cot with water and food on it, items she had clearly been ignoring except for necessity. He saw Gina's hand, crabbing weakly across the floor to the slice of fruit, and had rush of nausea. He pushed the memory away. Sharon spoke again. "I believe you." He heard Agathon's indrawn breath, quickly hushed, as if the other man was afraid of breaking the spell. Most likely, he was.

Gaius turned back to the glass and began to slowly pace its length, counting the steps. There were nine. Pegasus' cell had been bigger. Thirteen steps, there. He'd counted, so many times, while he'd been working with ...

"Sharon." Focus, damn it. "What is your last memory before you were... activated, on Caprica?"

Sharon's face closed down, her eyes left him to focus on a point over his shoulder. Agathon gave a barely audible moan at her withdrawal before sliding down the wall to sit beside the door. He steepled his fingers, braced them against his lips as if simultaneously trying to keep from speaking and praying for strength. Gaius deliberately turned away from his despair, turning back to the glass. After all, this had nothing to do with Agathon. He resumed walking.

Gina had paced like this. Back and forth, back and forth. Before they had broken her. Before she had fled.

Gina. His light. Who had gone out in a blinding flash of nuclear fire. Who had left this interminable darkness behind.

"Please." He rubbed a hand against his eyes, not even sure who he was saying it to. When he opened them, he once again had Sharon's attention. "Please," he said to her, "humour me."

She huffed an irritated breath. "I remember punching out of the atmosphere in the Raptor. I remember jumping us out, to try and find Galactica. I remember you on board. I remember..." Her voice cracked, strengthened back into flatness. "I remember leaving Helo behind."

"So you have nothing of Boomer's memories beyond that point? You don't recall returning to Galactica?" He asked it gently. Still watching his face, she nodded. "What did you do before meeting Lieutenant Agathon? Were you sent to him immediately?"

"Nothing. I met Helo the day after I was," her lips twisted bitterly, "activated."

Gaius pursed his lips, nodding his understanding. "I have only one other question, Lieutenant."

Her eyes sparked, something peeking out through the shield of numbness. "I'm not a Lieutenant, Doctor." Her face tightened. "That was Boomer. Boomer was in the Fleet."

"You have my apologies. Sharon, of course." Gaius agreed immediately. The mirror of the observation room caught his attention and he wondered briefly what Adama thought of the conversation. Well. He'd find out soon enough. "My final question of you." He took a deep breath, turned back to face her. "Why did you choose not to reveal Cavil as a Cylon?"

Sharon's chin lifted, and he could all but hear her thinking about whether or not to answer. The seconds ticked by, and Gaius could feel the tension coming off of Agathon like a solid, living thing, could feel the listeners in the other room holding their breath. Finally, she came to a decision. Her eyes left Gaius for the first time, moving to look squarely at the mirror. Gaius was sure she was looking directly at Adama when she spoke.

"I told the Admiral that I would not reveal the remaining Cylons in the Fleet," she paused, her face hard. "I meant it."

Gaius nodded, smiled. "Thank you, Sharon. I appreciate your time." She snorted and shrugged, laying back on her cot. Agathon stood, preceded Gaius out of the cell. His jaw was working as he struggled to contain himself. The Admiral and the Marines met Gaius at the hatch.

"Did you get what you wanted?" Irony was heavy in Adama's gravelly voice.

"Oh, indeed. Indeed I did." Gaius turned to the Marine waiting impatiently for him to clear the hatch so he could return to his post. "You can release her now."

"What!?!" The exclamation came simultaneously from three throats. Adama, Agathon, and the Marine guard all stared at him with identical expressions of absolute shock. The Marine that was Gaius' guard simply shook his head silently.

"I said, 'release her'." Gaius frowned innocently, enjoying himself immensely. "Perhaps it was the accent. Should I say it again more slowly?"

Adama recovered first, going rigid with anger. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, Doctor," his voice was stone, "but..."

"There are no games here, Admiral." Gaius met stone with steel. "And I believe my current title is 'President'."

Adama took a deep breath, visibly reaching for calm. Agathon and the Marines were frozen, barely breathing, as if the slightest movement would lead to a total detonation. Adama glanced at them, gestured for Gaius to enter the hatch to the observation room, closed the heavy door behind them before rounding on Gaius.

"Sharon Valerii is a prisoner," he ground out. "We are at war."

"A fact I am certainly aware of, Admiral. As is that of Ms. Valerii's incarceration. But perhaps you can enlighten me," he spread his hands in inquiry. "What are the charges?"

Adama stared at him, shocked again.

"I mean, she is a prisoner. By the constitution of the colonies, that can only occur if she's been charged." He shrugged. "What has Ms. Valerii done? Really, Admiral. She assisted Lieutenant Agathon on Caprica, helped steal a ship to return Lieutenant Thrace and the Arrow to Kobol, provided President Roslin the necessary information to find the Tomb of Athena." He began ticking points on his fingers. "She interrupted an assassination attempt against your son, shut down an entire Basestar's worth of Cylon Raiders, enabled the Caprican rescue mission." His mouth twisted, and he shrugged again. "Perhaps we could charge her with offering 'aid and succour to the enemy'. Oh, wait. The enemy is *us*." A thread of anger crept into his voice.

Adama considered him narrowly. "She is a Cylon, Mr. *President*. We are at war with the Cylons."

"I believe in order to be a prisoner of war one must first be a combatant, Admiral. From our own records, Sharon Valerii has never even picked up a weapon, except when fighting for us." Gaius met Adama's eyes. "You say she's a Cylon, and yes. Yes, she is." He shook his head minutely. "But we don't imprison people solely on the basis of their race, Admiral. At least, we didn't. This Cylon, this specific Cylon, has committed no crimes against us." He held up a hand to forestall the words he could see forming on Adama's lips. "I do understand that others of her model have. But *she* has not. Nor is she a member of the Fleet. At worst, she could be charged with impersonating an Fleet officer; perhaps with withholding information on the enemy. But frankly, Admiral, I believe she has suffered for *that* enough." He straightened his shoulders, speaking to Adama, perhaps for the first time, as a man. "As a non-combatant, she is a *political* prisoner, Admiral. As the President, politics is my purview, and I will see her released."

Adama considered him in silence. He walked slowly to the observation window, gazed out at the woman on the cot, studied her. When it came, his voice was even, but the hostility was gone. "It's not that simple, Mr. President," he said. "She *is* a Cylon. If we release her, her life will be in danger. I also still have reservations about her ability to resist if she is provided additional programming."

"You could make the same statement about Colonial One," Gaius retorted. "But I don't think it will fit in the cell."

Adama's lips twitched. "Your point is made, but mine still stands, Mr. President."

Gaius nodded reluctantly, turning it over in his mind. "I will leave the details of Ms. Valerii's re-integration up to you, Admiral. Perhaps a guard for her safety is in order." He let his eyes harden. "But we need to be clear. As of right now, she is no longer a prisoner. She is a *guest*." Gaius stepped to the hatch, spun the wheel to open the lock. "That woman is not Boomer, Admiral, however much she looks like her. And that woman has just lost her child. You, of all people, should understand what that is like." Gaius shrugged. "And she could be an incredibly valuable resource. Just look at what you accomplished with her already. What happens when your crew immigrates to New Caprica, Admiral? I, for one, believe the stick has been used enough. Perhaps…" He pushed open the hatch. Agathon filled half the corridor, his face pale as he stared at the Admiral, too tired to hide the hope in his face. "Perhaps it is time for the carrot."

Adama was back to his usual impassive mask, the one he wore when he was thinking hard. His eyes flickered over Sharon on the cot, came back to rest on the haggard Agathon. His lips tightened. Gaius fought to conceal his own anxiety, forcing himelf to breath evenly and look utterly unconcerned.

Decision made, Adama turned to the Marine assigned to Sharon's cell.

"Stand down," he ordered flatly. "You will remain at your post to provide protection for our guest. She is not to leave without you. I'll provide further instructions once I've met with the Colonel." He winced at the mention of Tigh. Gaius could only imagine how *that* conversation would go. Shaking his head, Adama stalked away.

Immediately, the Marine stepped to the door, standing at attention beside the hatch, facing out.

Facing. Out.

Lieutenant Agathon's breath left him in a rush, and he swayed on his feet. The Marine's face mirrored Gaius' alarm at the thought that the big man might actually go down. There was certainly no way that *he* would be able to catch him. Luckily, Agathon braced himself with a hand against the bulkhead. He shook his head to clear it.

"Did I just hear that?" He looked at Gaius incredulously. "Did that just happen?" The Marine's mouth curved in a half-smile at the utter astonishment in Agathon's voice.

"Indeed it did," Gaius told him briskly. He tapped a finger against his lips. "Tell me, Lieutenant..."

"Gods. GODS." Agathon grabbed his hand, shook it fiercely. "Call me Helo."

Gaius couldn't help it, he smiled. "Tell me... Did I ever thank you, Lieutenant, for saving my life?"

Agathon frowned, let go of his hand. Confusion was writ plainly on his face.

"On Caprica. You gave up your seat for me." Gaius lifted a brow. "It wasn't a particularly important event, I suppose."

Agathon blinked, then a smile spread across his face as he looked over his shoulder at the open door to Sharon's cell. Gaius followed his gaze, and for the first time didn't see Gina reflected in the glass. "Yes," he said, "yes, I believe you did." He took a deep breath, blew it out in a gust of... too many emotions to name, Gaius supposed. "Ready to go, sir?"

"Yes, quite." Gaius tugged on his jacket, turned slightly. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Agathon looking again at the open door, struggle and longing stark on his face. Gaius shook his head. "On second thought, I think I should eat before I head back, and drop by the pilot's rec room. Say hello to everyone, shake some hands. I'll see you in one hour, Lieutenant."

Agathon nodded respectfully before turning and hurrying through the hatch. Gaius watched as he strode to the door of the cell, opening it as far as it would go before entering and crossing to the cot. He dropped to his knees beside Sharon, taking her hand in both of his and tucking it against his heart. Kneeling there, Helo began to talk.

Gaius grinned at the Marine, who remained expressionless. "Ha!" He said. "They're probably talking about me." The Marine looked skeptical. "Possibly not." He turned on his heel and headed for the Pilot's Rec Room. Maybe he would find a game of Triad. For the first time in weeks, he felt like playing.

[End]

Comments

[agathons-fan.livejournal.com]

Great fic.Absolutely loved it.I think that my favorite part was towards the end.

"Did I just hear that?" He looked at Gaius incredulously. "Did that just happen?" The Marine's mouth curved in a half-smile at the utter astonishment in Agathon's voice.

"Gods. GODS." Agathon grabbed his hand, shook it fiercely. "Call me Helo."

Gaius couldn't help it, he smiled. "Tell me... Did I ever thank you, Lieutenant, for saving my life?"

Agathon blinked, then a smile spread across his face as he looked over his shoulder at the open door to Sharon's cell. Gaius followed his gaze, and for the first time didn't see Gina reflected in the glass. "Yes," he said, "yes, I believe you did."

And then Gaius gave them an hour, and Helo ran to her, which was really sweet.I really really hope you right more fics like this or to this. I love Helo and sharon and especially love reading about them during the missing year. :)

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Hi Agathonsfan

Dude - For me? I am all about the Helo. I love Helo/Sharon. And the missing year drives me nuts!

I ended up writing this the way it is because ... it just seems plausible to me that Baltar would intervene - if for no other reason than to metaphorically flip Roslin the bird. :)

The "Call me Helo" was my favourite part too, though I really enjoyed writing everything that was about their relationship.

Thanks for the review!

[danniisupernova.livejournal.com]

That was really cool. ;)

[mamaboolj.livejournal.com]

I have *never* thought about Baltar having anything to do with Helo and Sharon's reunion or her gaining her freedom. But you have now changed that forever. Baltar's release of the political prisoner Sharon, the gesture of thanks to Helo for saving his life, and the ties to his own grieving for Gina make this a very plausible and believable story. In fact, this is an incredible story. Your Gaius is dead on perfect and I love how you've captured all the others as well.

What do you think about posting this at Kindreds www.bsgkindreds.com? If you don't want to post it there, do you mind if I recommend others come here and read it?

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Hey there

Thank you! I have a whole mental ramble about why it is that Baltar *really* does this, and how it's not precisely altruistic, but that I didn't write it in because of all the characters, Baltar is the one who most needs to be the hero of his own story and so on. :) I've been thinking about posting it for the really obsessive among writers/readers (like me) *laughs*

I have been considering posting at Kindreds - I *love* that site, but hadn't gotten around to asking if posting is open to everyone or is only by permission, yet.

Recommendations and pointing people here is absolutely welcome.

Thanks again!

[mamaboolj.livejournal.com]

I would be very interested in your "mental ramble" about why Baltar does this. As I was thinking about your story after reading it (and yes, I thought about it for quite a while), I had to admit that Baltar's self-centered nature hung me up. Would he really do this just to be a good guy? I wasn't so sure he would. Please, when you get the time, post your thoughts on his motivations.

Still, my wondering about his motives only adds to why I think this is such a wonderful piece. It is beautifully written. And, I think that many Helo and Sharon fans will find the role Baltar plays unexpected, but in a welcome and thought-provoking way.

As for Kindreds (the website, not the LJ - which is related but separate), posts don't have to be approved, but you do have to become a member. It's easy to do. There are rules (in sticky threads in each sub-forum) about what to post and how to post, but they are pretty standard. If you have any troubles joining or posting, just let me know.

Please do post there because Kindreds is a great community, and all Helo/Sharon fans are welcome. I'm gonna run over there now and recommend this fic.

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

On Baltar - he's a great character cause there is so much going on all the time, and all of it is contradictory. I will write up my thoughts and post them I think. :)

On Kindreds - yep. I figured you meant the site/forums, not the LJ. Thank you for the invite - I will come over and post. See you there!

Cheers!

[rebelliousrose.livejournal.com]

And just to be REALLY clear; ANY member of the Kindreds forums can post fanfic to the Kindreds LJ. The password is in the fanfic forum.

Great story, dude; I love Helo. And I never would have thought of Gaius as the savior, but it makes sense. I wrote one set in the same timeframe but with Chief as the catalyst.

[weissman.livejournal.com]

What a totally fantastic take on the events of the missing year. You must absolutly post this at Kindreds (www.bsgkindreds.com). I loved every word.

Bob

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Hi Bob

Thank you! I spent a lot of time thinking about how Sharon would have gotten back into the good graces of Adama during that year, and I read a lot (I think... *all*) of the other fic out there about it. It was when I was rewatching Epiphanies that the idea that Baltar intervened came to me, and it just seems to fit so perfectly. :)

I have posted at Kindreds... thank you again for the nudge in that direction.

[weissman.livejournal.com]

If you are a big Sharon/Helo fan it's the place to be.

Bob

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

I totally agree - I've been lurking there for a couple of months. I miss seeing reprob8 though.

[weissman.livejournal.com]

You and everybody else there.

Bob

[goblie.livejournal.com]

Hey Inf! :)

(Sorry I'm late, btw. I just had an "extended" (read: 2.5 hour) battle with a gigantic-size-of-my-palm moth, which refuses to let me read in peace, DIE, DIE, FFS, DIEEEE! It won. But it is currently lurking somewhere under my chest of drawers. And GODDAMNIT I am going to take the opportunity presented. *Breathes deeply*)

Anyway. I think I told you this in "squee" form, but... this? THIS FIC? THIS?! Makes me not want to care about the consequences of indulging in a new obsession. I mean...damn, Inf. Way to help me out here, buddy. I know I said you'd be my exception - but you were supposed to help me satisfy my cravings, not multiply them. Rereading doesn't help, either. It seems every time I read this fic, my shred of self restraint gets smaller and uh... more shreddy. And I just read it again to write this review. Twice. (Look. The readings were interrupted. I DESERVED that second read!) A mental barrier the width of an atom is all that is stopping me from launching into the nearest BSG fic archive/board/fanfiction.net collection. And it's ALL YOUR FAULT.You suck! :P

Now that we've established who will ultimately be to blame when my brain explodes from trying to hold myself back, let's move on to the actual story, eh? :) I just want to mention though, that I noticed you have written some notes on this story in a later post. I haven't read that yet 'cause I figured I'd see (and you might like to know) what I read into this all by myself (and grown-up-like ;). You know, before I go off and realise how much more sense your reasoning makes and inevitably incorporate your ideas into my brain.Maybe I can see what knowing the finer details of your reasoning behind this does for my perspective on this story. :) Plus. It gives me another change to reread :D Anyway - I just wanted to let you know that in advance and warn you that I can't promise I won't spout a load of rubbish, and then, having read your comments, run back in here and do it all over again now that I've "seen the light". ;)

Seriously though. The story!

[goblie.livejournal.com]

(Actual review in a new post 'cause dude.. that stuff up there wasn't relevant!)

Firstly, a general comment 'cause I think it ought to be mentioned. I think you did an absolutely fantastic job of getting into Baltar's head. Not just in the way he talks, and his mannerisms and in his specific type of humour, but in the way he *thinks*. Despite my Helo love, (which I shall also take the opportunity to publicly blame you for. *Publicly blames you*), when watching, you may remember that Baltar was the first person I wanted to talk to you about. He intrigues me (and I love him, naturally), and (as you will also know from all the questions :D), sometimes it can take a bit of thinking to grasp his true motivations behind things. Like... not what seems to be happening. Not what everyone else thinks are his motivations. Not even what he himself thinks he are his motivations(and let's face it, that can be very different to what's REALLY going on. Oh, the lovable, self-deluded rogue), but what really motivates him as a character, ya know? (I hope you do - we've had a bit of this discussion no matter how badly I am describing it now :P) Anyway. I know I can't *really* say I know 100% what the funny, little man is thinking and thinks he is thinking (it makes sense if you say it really slowly)... However! I like the way you've presented Gaius and his thoughts here, 'cause you've managed to give us something that fits into the way I think of him (and uh. his thinking?) at all those different levels.

Okay, so before this review turns into a "let's analyse the Baltar Puzzle!" piece of fun (to which your response would probably be "You DO know I talked about him in another post and that this one is for the actual story, right?"), I'll sum up what I (currently - because lord knows it does change!) I think about him. For the purposes of review clarity, of course. ;) Gaius is a self obsessed (it’s all about him to uh.. him) little ball of craze, who has to believe he is good to the extent that if he does something ‘bad’, he has to, in his eyes, justify it to the point where it becomes not a bad thing at all, redeem himself or concoct SOMEthing which means, in the end, he is actually the reasonable, good one (to himself). I also think a bunch of the other characters underestimate him (or if not underestimate him, don’t understand him enough to see his true potential/capacity to be a threat/well.. get him at all); especially Roslin (who underestimates EVERYONE. *glare*). Oh, and Gaius knows about this and how disrespected he is by certain people (*glare*), and it pisses him off quite a bit. :) Actually – remind me to ask you to tell me things (if you don’t already do that in your next post :) about Gina and Gaius. ‘Cause that’s one of those things I can only tick a few boxes for (e.g. what Gaius thinks he thinks ;)) and probably will need your help with.

So – what I mean to say is, I love your version of Baltar, here ‘cause it makes sense with everything that I think I know of him. And I think with a character like this? That could be haaard. And yet, it flows, and sometimes it’s really subtle. It totally feels like I jumped into Baltar’s head. That takes some good understandin’ of characters there, Inf. ;) So yay on the characterisation of Baltar, Inf. I think it totally works. And I suppose the last two sentences was all I *really* needed to say to get that point across. *Rolls eyes at self*

Moving on. I too (before you mentioned it!) hadn’t thought of Baltar as being the one to help secure Sharon’s release, nor that this would be (at least his apparent) motivation behind it, nor that he’d actually bother, OR manage it. ;) And yet it makes wonderful sense. Combine that with my “Dude. Seriously. What HAPPENED during that YEAR?” irritation/I-love-this-show-it-keeps-me-so-hooked-ness, and your first BSG fic has me as a very happy bunny. I kinda love (and HATE) that there are all these things not explained to us about that year, but I think a great deal of fun can come from filling in the blanks. :)

[goblie.livejournal.com]

Granted, I haven’t actually read any other fanfic on this (or BSG at all *grumble*), but I had just assumed that Sharon’s improved situation was because her and Adama’s relationship (without having the stress of cylon attacks) had managed to warm up to that point. I hadn’t at all considered it might’ve taken some *doing* by someone… and more surprisingly, by Baltar. But not surprisingly at all when you put it into perspective for us.

So the timing of this fic has Gaius in a bad, un-fun place. A lot to do with the whole Gina thing, yep. I might have to gloss over that for now ‘cause while I do get what Gaius thinks he feels about that, I’m not convinced I really understand everything underneath that. Yep. You’ll have me thinking about it all night now. *laughs*

But – okay. So Gaius is pretty damned depressed about Gina. I love that throughout this fic he associates everything with her. That makes me think that to him, what drives his behaviour is that he connects with Helo, (not only with the cylons they love thing but also with the baby, and of course, he remembers what Helo did for him back on Caprica) and thinks that he understands him, and through his love for Gina and his guilt and regret about that, does something for him. I mean, I don’t think he really is doing this for Helo, but I think that Baltar thinks he is at least partially doing it for Helo and Sharon, and because he couldn’t save Gina and he looooved her. Plus, Gaius thinks he’s generally a good bloke, right? That’d fit with his idea of himself. If that makes sense. Why he’s really doing it though, well I think that this is again, at least in part, to do with Baltar’s need to be a good guy. I think doing something like this takes away a bit of his guilt over the whole Gina thing and that makes him feel better about himself, which ya know, is one of the most important things for Baltar. Again, thoughts aren’t fully formed on that one ‘cause I gotta finish figuring out what I think Gina really was to Baltar. Not convinced it’s only what he seems to think it is, but my ideas on that aren’t satisfying enough by themselves at the moment. :) But yeah – I think it is pretty safe to say I don’t think Baltar just decided to do a good thing purely out of Gina-love or Helo!connection or any of that.

I am not sure how much this has to do with it – as in, how much this was intended when he made that decision, (or was it merely a beneficial consequence? I’d say no – this is Baltar… plus, you get across his annoyance with the perceived slights despite the fact that his is President well enough early in this fic alone), but I wonder how much getting one in over Adama factored into it. I mean, even if he doesn’t know it himself. Adama pretty much looks down on Baltar and we know it, and he knows it and it’s been shown before. I wonder if that had an impact on his “fight for Sharon!” idea? In any case, I know he’s pleased as punch to be able to push the issue… even though he’s obviously nervous about it inside and intimidated. I hadn’t noticed until you mentioned it that Baltar calls him only Admiral when he speaks to him but Adama in his head, but it totally makes me chuckle. Baltar knows Adama doesn’t respect him and throws his own bit of disrespect around in his head. *Laughs*

[goblie.livejournal.com]

Oh and I know it’s just a little point, but I’ve always loved how funny Gaius is, and I love that you continue to show that here (even when he’s depressed and feeling very low) and that it is totally Gaius-dry-wit. I’m going to resist going quote happy on you, especially ‘cause I am sure you know what the funny bits are (…having written them!) but you can ask me later if in doubt. ;)

Oh – something else that is great? The way Baltar sees everyone else in this piece. More specifically, Helo. :D I mean, I know that *we* (well you, definitely /teasing ;)) notice how always puts himself between Sharon and danger, and how he is always a presence looking out for her and not leaving her, but I love that HE notices it. *Hugs Gaius* *Hugs Helo more*

Speaking of Helo… ;) Aww man, do I ever love him in this fic? Him and Sharon, actually. I love that even through Gaius-tinted glasses I love him ;) and that through his eyes, Helo and Sharon’s pain and situation are almost more poignant. The end is also made sweeter from that view. In general I think you got all the characters spot on, but I love the little touches here and there which keep them in character and link nicely to the episodes. I love how Helo still looks to the Admiral once or twice for confirmation. I know you’ve pointed that out to me before in the show, but as I said, I like seeing it here because it ties this fic in so nicely with the characters we know and the show. And I really do think this fic slots in as if it is an episode. Everything is feasible, everything fits, everyone is in character and… well, it reads like an episode. Or part of an episode. And I suspect that as we’ve been offered no alternative explanations (yet), and I haven’t read any other fanfic on the subject… despite the fact that my previous assumption was something else, this will very soon become THE definitive explanation for what triggered the way things were with Sharon at that point. Though to be honest, I can’t say I mind. It’s a good explanation!

Oh – one small thing. ;) I am not sure if this was intended or it’s just me… but in Baltar’s irritation and petulance with Adama? I found myself getting irritated too. Which actually surprises me. I love the Admiral, and there are definitely times when Adama does things which annoy me or I need to shake my head at, but it’s not usually related to his contempt for Baltar. I mean, maaaaybe it’s because of how this is related to Sharon (and I DO get annoyed with him with that), but I think it also has to do with the awesomeness of getting inside Baltar’s head and his irritation with Adama. But anyway, yeah. I actually felt myself get all annoyed with him which I am putting down to your good writing and not my insanity. K? Good.

Oh and by the way, I love Baltar’s whole reasoning. I mean, we knew it… but it reminds me that underneath it all, the man is smart. And can talk his way out of, well, anything.

Okay I think it’s time for me to bring this to a close as now I am just bringing up random points all “Oh and there’s this!” and it’s getting kinda disjointed. ;) Needless to say, I’ll be back if I remember anything else (I think that’s quite probable, actually. I am sure I had a great deal more to say at the beginning of this – I’m going with the lateness makes me forgetful thing ;)) and probably anyway because I’ll have read your notes but for now…

Dude. You rock. Your first BSG fic has me hooked and ready for more (… oh come on, it’s a mere shadow of my usual nudges), so thank you for sharing. I haven’t commented much on the writing itself but it should almost go without saying (by now :)) that your stories are always VERY well written and that this is no exception. I think Gaius suits you. ;) Most of your lines tend to be packed with 1000 different meanings. Gaius has 1000 different facets and motivations and complications… yeah. BSG writing suits you. (Okay that was a slightly harder one, maybe ;))

Anyway, before I give up and start begging I’m gonna shut up. Thanks a million, love the fic… it’s… so very satisfying. :D

*Hugs n’ stuff*

[ethnotechno.livejournal.com]

This is definitely the best BSG fanfic I have read so far (and I've read a lot). It is completely believable on so many levels and fills up some important missing pieces.

I really wish there was more interaction in canon between Baltar and any of the Sharons. He was supposed to be performing 'experiments' on Sharon when she was in prison, as is apparent from the 'Pegasus' episode. He also had more sympathy for Cylons than most people. I always wonder what they really thought of each other.

[lyricnonsense.livejournal.com]

Ooo, very nice. I've always been intrigued by just how Sharon went from literally caged to Athena, and this is a very very interesting first step in that direction.

Very nice parallel between Baltar and Helo, and it certainly gives Baltar a sense of the noble that's so often hidden behind the fact that he's a sniveling coward.

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Hey there

Thanks for the review!

And yes, I agree - Baltar does come across here as pretty good, kind of despite himself. Which somewhat matches how I think Baltar actually works. *laughs*

Thanks again!

[natfudge.livejournal.com]

INF!! You wrote BSG fic! Which is my current obsession! And ok, so it wasnt anything to do with Kara... but it was Helo... I LOVE Helo! This was an excellent, very interesting take on the way things could have gone... and really, I enjoyed it just for seeing Baltar in a GOOD light for a change... We only ever see him talking crazy with imaginary Six, or you know, weasling his way out of something... Very nice!

::squishy hugs::

Here from crack_van

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

Awesome fic! I've really missed this Baltar -- the clever, prideful, calculating, self-serving bastard who still managed to do something good once in a while.

Re: Here from crack_van

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

I've missed him too, though crazy!Baltar has his attractions, too. :)

Thanks!

[frolicndetour.livejournal.com]

Here via crack_van. I really enjoyed this - perfectly characterized and slides right into canon.

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And now that I've checked out crack_van I have somewhere to chase awesome stories too. :)

I really appreciate taking the time to review. Thanks again.

[falena]

(Here via crack_van)

I usually am not a great fan of Baltar, but you have him spot on and you made his actions and frame of mind really work here. You have great voices for all the other characters too.

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Thank you! As it happens, I'm more a Helo fan than a Baltar one (though I think James Callis does an incredible job), but this one just came out in his voice. So, I'm extra glad you liked it. :)

[rose-griffes.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really enjoyed this. I want Baltar to do the right thing for the right reason... at least once! ;-)

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I definitely don't see Baltar as evil or dark. Twisted, broken, frequently psychotic, delusional, narcissistic, sure... but the thing that makes Baltar such a great character (and I think Callis is responsible for making it so believable) is that he's not a bad man. He's just... complicated. :)

[aprilleigh24.livejournal.com]

THis is wonderful! Like, crying wonderful! THis is a Baltar that I could love...and everyone else is so perfect in their charaterizations. Love.

I love that I can slip this story right inbetween cannon- this is how it happened for me.

Hope you don't mind (does anyone?) I rec'd this story on my lj- one of those 'classic must read' type things. :) Thanks so much for sharing this!