Fic: [SGA] Unexpected Direction (PG)

[skinscript]

Title: An Unexpected Direction
Author: skinscript
Rating: G
Spoilers: 5.11 The Lost Tribe
Wordcount: 400-ish
Posted to: sga_episodefic, mckay_sheppard
Genre: Humour, Friendship
Summary: John tries to brag about Larrin. Rodney takes the conversation in an entirely unexpected direction.

---

"So. Apparently, Larrin talks about me." John felt justifiably smug.

"Huh." McKay seemed unimpressed. John decided it was because he wasn't paying attention. Ronon grunted and took a long drink of his juice.

"I said, Larrin talks about me. To the other Travellers." John prodded. "All the time."

This time Rodney looked up. "Ok," he said, waving a hand dissmissively. "Isn't that wonderful, yadda yadda. Congratulations on reaching the virtual age of twelve." He took a swig of his coffee. "Anyway. I don't like her." He returned to poking at his laptop.

"You don't..." John choked on his bite of bagel, fought it back down to where it was supposed to go. "You don't like her? Why not?"

Rodney growled with irritation and slammed the laptop lid closed. "Why not? How about that she's kidnapped you... twice! And both times has tied you up and had you beaten! Now, unless you like that sort of thing..." His eyes widened comically and practically bugged out of his head in horrified fascination. "Oh. My. GOD! You DO, don't you? You LIKE it!"

John frowned, wondering how he'd lost control of the conversation so thoroughly so quickly. "Rodney, I..."

But McKay was on a roll. "I knew it! I mean, I knew you had some kinky traits, but honestly, I was thinking more like toys or maybe blindfolding, possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK, but tied up and punched around..."

As his voice rose, others in the cafeteria started to notice. Heads turned, eyebrows raised. John tried to sink lower in his chair. Rodney steamrollered on.

"Or, ooh! I know! I could see you being into knifeplay or gunplay, with the whole soldier thing..."

John felt his face burning. "Rodney!"

"Or maybe tattoos, or, or... oh! I know! Furries!"

"WHAT?"

"You know, furries! That's where people dress up in full-body costumes and then..."

"Yes, I know furries!"

"I had a feeling you did." McKay waggled his eyebrows.

"That's not what I ... Look. Shut up."

"Ha! No problem." Rodney guzzled the last of his coffee and tucked his laptop under his arm. "Hey. Let me know if you need any help finding .. uh." He gestured vaguely. "Material. It's amazing what people upload to the server. I could help you out." He strode out.

Was Rodney seriously offering to find him porn???

John rubbed his forehead and wished fervently for an aspirin. Or, possibly, a handful.

Ronon finished his bagel and leaned toward John. "So," he said confidentially, "Being tied up and hit. You like that, huh?"

-30-

---

Comments

[bluejello.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!! I don't think aspirin will be helping John now...He just entered narcland with Ronon's interest peaked!

Thanks sooo much! You totally made my crappy day shine!

love it!

[alphapack.livejournal.com]

I love this!

Thank you for writing this.

[crownglass39.livejournal.com]

Too funny! I can totally see this happening too!

[merrymeerkat.livejournal.com]

LMAO, oh God, poor John. Sequel??? :D Pretty please?

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Hah! I was just telling my flist that that John's continually asking if Larrin talked about him proved that he was into D/s as the sub! Fannish hivemind FTW!

[rogerpittman.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if the Ancient database had its own version of porn. You just know the hologram room had other uses...

[outsideth3box.livejournal.com]

*is ded from hilarious*

*luffs Rodney to bits and pieces*

Poor in-denial bottom!John.

[sulien77.livejournal.com]

*still laughing my ass off* Oh, ow...my side hurts! This so should have been the canon ending! Thank you, I needed that laugh. *wipes tears from eyes, still chuckling*

[rellan.livejournal.com]

Furries?! OMG!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Go Rodney.

[ladyoflisquill.livejournal.com]

OMG! Hilarious. SO many lines in this almost made me laugh out loud (dangerous thing to do in work) but this one is my favourite; "possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK"

[noracharles]

Hahaha, great ^_^
Rodney really is a very accepting and considerate friend, isn't he?

[trystings.livejournal.com]

Bhahahahaha, only Rodney can take 'Larrin talks about me' to Furrysubporn in three seconds.

[debris_k.livejournal.com]

LMAO! And I haven't even seen the ep yet, but I always take a chance on your fics (just saw 'First Contact' yesterday - Caldwell crawling through duct vents makes *much* more sense now - great story that one as well) and I'm just blown away by the utter humorous Rodneyness of this piece! Only *Rodney* could take John's gloating and turn in upside down into a kink discussion and the porn trade. *huge thumbs up*

[libra-traveller.livejournal.com]

Way funny. Loved that other people were noticing the conversation.

[accidentalfan.livejournal.com]

OMG poor John! Now all of Atlantis knows how much of a bottom he is! :)

But seriously, I totally agree with Rodney's objections to John's (oh-so-middle-school) thing for Larrin.

[goblie.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Another surprise! :)

Hahaaaaahahaha. :) This is hilarious!

I just *love* Rodney when he gets an idea into his head and just.. totally runs away with it. There is just.. no way to stop him without adding fuel to his ideas (as evidenced above!), it's *wonderful*. *Hugs for Rodney* And he's just trying to be a good, accepting friend! Go Rodney and his porn finding skillz *Laughs*

Poor John. Well, only a little. It is way amusing that his Larrin boasts backfired, but he really should know better *Laughs*

Love the last line with Ronon. I can just SEE how the next conversation will go. I'd... prefer it if you wrote it to show me though. ;)

Thanks Skin! Needed a laugh today. :) *Hugs*

[lazy-8s.livejournal.com]

Note to John: Don't brag to Rodney, he's the king of all braggarts. He will only embarass the hell out of you by informing the mess hall that you enjoy sex while wearing a fur suit. And, Ronon's line was priceless. Hilarious littel fic!

[kateri-e.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO
Oh my! That was fantastic! See? Lots of exclamation points even!
I can see lots of advil in Sheppards future, along with lots of really disturbing spam in his inbox

[space1traveler.livejournal.com]

See, John brought this on himself. If he had just admitted the very first time that Larrin was hot and he liked her, but didn't like what had happened between them he would be okay now. But nooooooooooo...

[alia-eternal.livejournal.com]

You are my absolute Hero!! I loved that, have to put it in my memories right away. you rock!

[romyra]

Rodney's whirlwind thoughts strike again...lol. Poor John and now that he's peaked Ronon's interest their next sparring session would be an interesting thing to read.